I’ve never questioned God’s existence, but I have questioned His love. After all, if God is love, why have certain situations in my life felt as far from love as possible?
Can you relate? Maybe you’re like me, and as a result of different life situations and external circumstances, you’ve felt forgotten, overlooked, and uncared for by God. Maybe you’ve also found yourself wondering, “Is God good?” “Does God love me?” or even, “Why does God hate me?”
Why I Felt Like God Hated Me
I remember the first time I felt like God hated me. It was during a global crisis (I’m sure you know the one I’m talking about). I was recently engaged and battling with intense feelings of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In a time that was supposed to be full of celebration and excitement, my days were filled with dread and fear.
I remember praying for relief from the anxiety, even if it were only for a minute. My mind was constantly racing, and in the back of my head, I kept thinking, “God, I know You could snap Your fingers and this would go away. But it’s still here.” I felt defeated as each day looked the same: waking up, going through the motions, overwhelming numbness, and tears before bed. That was my “broken record” of a life for months.
Eventually, with the help of professionals, I began making progress. But the fear of being overlooked by God still loomed. I had lost my trust in the goodness of God. Over time, I was able to process these feelings with trusted friends and family and slowly learned to trust God again.
And then I was pregnant with my first child. We found out we were having a boy, and instead of being excited to buy all things dinosaurs, trucks, and “boy,” I was filled with fear. Because of some hereditary genetic conditions in my family, we knew there was a chance that our son could be completely blind—but we wouldn’t know until he was born.
A few months later, my husband and I sat in a hospital holding our precious baby as the doctor confirmed his diagnosis. He was completely blind. We felt betrayed, overlooked, and disappointed in God. The happiest day of our lives was also one of the hardest.
I could reconcile my own disappointment in God, but it was different when something felt so unfair to someone I love so deeply.
Can you relate to my feelings of disappointment, anger, and mistrust? No matter how well you know what God’s Word says about His love and kindness, your circumstances can make you wonder if God hates you.
Why Did God Let This Happen?
This was the question we wrestled with for months, and sometimes still do. It’s the age-old question: “Why does God let bad things happen to good people?” My son hadn’t done anything “wrong,” and yet it felt like he was starting life at a disadvantage.
My husband and I, along with our community of friends and family, had spent my pregnancy praying for a healthy baby with vision. And while there’s nothing I could have done differently to change this outcome, I felt like all those hours and days of prayer were wasted.
Why did God let this happen? It felt unfair. It felt unkind. It felt like a painful betrayal.
I knew what the Bible says about God’s nature. The Psalms say:
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15 NIV
And the New Testament tells us:
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 1 John 4:16 NIV
These Scriptures, paired with my circumstances, painted an inconsistent picture of who I thought God was. I knew that being a child of God doesn’t disqualify you from hardships and trials. But I wasn’t expecting to feel hated and overlooked by Him in the middle of these circumstances.
Maybe you can relate to one of these difficult circumstances: Miscarriage. Death. Accidents. Divorce. Injustice. Hatred.
Any of these things can make us wonder how a loving God—a God who is love—allows suffering to happen. While I haven’t found a clear answer to these questions, I know that I’ve never been closer to God than I am right now—despite circumstances that could have easily broken me and my faith.
Finding God’s Love Again
As I look at baby pictures from the early days of being home with my son, I’m overwhelmed. In an instant, I’m back in those moments. Asking God impossible questions. Trying so hard to stay connected to Him when He was one of the last things I wanted.
Despite how angry and hurt I felt, I knew God would be my only source of hope in a season of desperation. But I didn’t know how to press into Him in my frustration. I wasn’t sure that He cared about what I had to say. I felt like I was beating a brick wall. I knew I needed Him, but I felt stuck in my unmet expectations.
Throughout those early weeks, meals would arrive on our front porch. Friends would come over and play games, distracting us from the heaviness. Family would sit with us while we cried and mourned.
I had never felt more seen by God than through His people being with us, sitting in silence and holding us as we cried.
In a time when we could have easily felt isolated and forgotten, we were seen by the people around us. I had never felt more seen by God than through His people being with us, sitting in silence and holding us as we cried.
Over time, I was able to process my frustrations and hurt with trusted friends. I shared how I felt overlooked and hated by God. I remember telling someone that I didn’t understand how a kind God could allow such an unkind thing to happen.
In response, I wasn’t bombarded with Scriptures on God’s goodness or told to “pray more” (though reading the Bible and spending time in prayer is helpful). Instead, I was able to be brutally honest about where I was with God. And as I got honest about that, I was slowly able to test my feelings against Scripture.
I was reminded of those verses from earlier—Psalm 86:15 and 1 John 4:16. God showed me His unfailing love and endless goodness through the people around me. From there, I started talking to God again. I gradually started reading Bible Plans on trust, miracles, and rebuilding my faith. I felt like I was starting all over in my relationship with God.
Trusting God’s Love
As I started rediscovering God’s love for myself, I noticed a tendency to hold on tightly to what I defined as “love.” It felt like I was always one bad doctor’s appointment away from being right back where I was. I was still living in fear that God would forget about me and my family.
As I was driving one day, a song came on the radio called Still Small Voice. It’s a worship song about the prophet Elijah wrestling with his own understanding of God’s goodness (1 Kings 19). Elijah had performed miracles in God’s name, showing the people in his community that God was real. He knew God deeply and personally. But when he faced opposition from Queen Jezebel, he panicked. It seemed that he forgot everything He knew about God—or maybe he wondered if God had forgotten about him.
After finding a place to rest in the wilderness and being cared for by an angel, God called out to Elijah. He told Elijah to go to a nearby mountain and wait for His presence to pass by. On the mountain, Scripture tells us that as Elijah waited on God, there was a wind so strong it shattered the rocks, an earthquake that must have left him trembling, and a fire. Three large and loud displays, but God wasn’t in any of them.
But then verse 12 says, “... And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” It was in that whisper that Elijah met the presence of God.
I imagined the peace Elijah felt when he experienced God in this way. It wasn’t the first interaction he had with God, but it was exactly what he needed in a moment of desperation. In an instant, he was able to trust God’s goodness.
This is a passage I continue coming back to as I consider how I can trust God’s love. In Elijah’s pain and disappointment, God faithfully showed up. He reminded Elijah who He is. And the same is true for us today.
In moments and seasons when you feel like God hates you, has forgotten you, or doesn’t care about you, remember that He is with you through the wind, earthquakes, and fires. He’s near enough to whisper to you, and He wants to remind you that He’s in the pain with you.
3 Ways to Experience God’s Love for Yourself
1. Be Honest About How You Feel
It’s difficult to be honest with God and others if you’re not honest with yourself. When I started to consider how I was truly feeling, I’d feel ashamed, embarrassed, and sometimes even frustrated. I desperately wanted to believe that God was good, but I had a difficult time reconciling that truth with my current situation.
When I stopped fighting the shame of how I was feeling, I was able to put words to my emotions. Here are a few of the thoughts and feelings I was having:
- I was disappointed because I felt like God could change the circumstances if He wanted to.
- I was frustrated that my child had a diagnosis that felt unfair.
- I was scared I wouldn’t be able to trust God again.
- I was confused why a good God would let this happen.
Maybe you can relate to some of these feelings in your own life. If you haven’t already, spend time thinking about the true feelings you have about your situation. It might be helpful to write them down as a way to “clear out space” in your brain. Plus, when we slow down to write what we’re thinking, we’re able to consider why we’re feeling these different emotions.
From there, you can be honest about how you’re doing with others.
2. Surround Yourself With God’s People
One of the defining moments in my life is the way I felt God’s love through His people in the middle of one of my hardest experiences. I can remember the moment we heard my son’s diagnosis. As my husband and I began mourning our expectations and hopes for my son’s health, we were intentional to bring people alongside us.
I texted one of my closest friends while my husband shared the news with our family. In a moment that felt devastatingly lonely, we were surrounded with care, love, and support. These were the same people who listened with compassion as we shared how we were actually doing.
It wasn’t a one-and-done moment, either. To this day, we still have people who regularly check in on us and ask us how we’re doing. Like all parents, our son is one of our favorite topics to talk about. And now, these same friends and family get to celebrate with us as he hits milestones, has appointments with good news, and continues to amaze us with his growing personality.
Who are your people? Who can walk through this circumstance, disappointment, or struggle with you? If you’re not sure who to call or text, I’d encourage you to find a LifeGroup. This is a group of people who will come alongside you in your hardest moments and in your celebrations and praises.
3. Sit in God’s Presence
When I set out to share this story, I told myself I’d avoid the clichéd notes about remembering to read your Bible and talking with your heavenly Father. I remember how unhelpful and almost insensitive that advice felt as I wrestled with wondering if God even cared about me.
So I’m not going to tell you to do those things, because I believe that if you take the step to just sit in His presence, you’ll get to a point where you’re able to open your Bible again. It may not be tomorrow or even next week, but I believe you’ll get there.
Instead, focus your mind and spirit on being with Him. Spend time with Him in solitude and share those honest feelings with Him. God is big enough to handle every thought, feeling, and question you have. And He wants you to share them with Him.
In those early days after bringing my son home, I would sit in silence during the late-night feeds, avoiding my phone and the distractions it held. Some nights, I’d spend extra time admiring the details of my son’s squishy cheeks and tiny fingers. Other nights, I’d silently weep over the things we’d never get to do, like teaching him to drive or watching him make the winning catch for a state tournament.
Slowly, I found my thoughts becoming phrases of gratitude, like, “God, thank You for the way You made my sweet boy.” I also named my grief and pain, and asked, “God, why did You let this happen?” I was praying and talking to my heavenly Father again, and I didn’t even realize it.
As time went on, these short statements and questions became longer conversations. “God, thank You for the way You made my sweet boy in Your image,” and “God, I don’t know why You let this happen, but I trust You have good plans for him.”
When you feel like your feelings don’t matter, or that your prayers stop at the ceiling, remember that God is with you. His presence is not dependent on your circumstances or feelings. He’s with you right now, and He cares about every detail of your life.
If you’re not sure what to say to God or where to start, consider listening to a worship song like this one, or reading Psalm 23.
A mentor once told me, “Sometimes when it feels like you’re beating on a brick wall, it’s actually God’s chest as He holds you close.” Don’t give up on God. He doesn’t hate you. He’s not out to get you.
When you get honest about your feelings, spend time with encouraging friends in your hardest moments, and sit in God’s presence, you’ll slowly start to see His goodness all around you.