We can control our attitude, grace, and willingness to forgive, but we can't control the words and actions of others. And sometimes, trying to control others can actually increase family problems. 

That's not to say we should give up on family members. Instead, it's wise to let go of the burden we're not made to carry. You might feel frustrated about family members who don't reach out as much as you hope they would. Or you might feel saddened by their hostility toward you. Those feelings are real and valid, but they don't need to define you.