Making friends. For some, it was pretty simple growing up. Especially if you went to school with lots of people your age. But what about now? How do you make friends as an adult? Especially if you moved away from where you grew up, or work from home.
It can be intimidating, but there’s hope. But before we start, let’s define what we mean by introvert.
An introvert tends to be energized by solitary activities. They’re often thoughtful, observant, and sociable around people they know well.
Making Friends as an Introvert
I’d like to start by clearing off a common belief about introverts: We’re not all afraid of people or socially awkward. In fact, we can really enjoy being in large groups of people. Airports? I can’t get enough! It’s people-watching heaven. But holiday parties? Like ones where you just “circulate and mingle?” Hard pass.
The best part of being an introvert (for me) is getting to someone’s core. I can’t stand surface-level conversation. Seriously, can’t stand it. This explains my aversion to holiday parties. I prefer to scoot right past the weather and dig into all the experiences, travels, and feelings that make you tick. Details, stories, all of it. Give it to me.
That’s one of the reasons it can be difficult for introverts to connect and make deep, meaningful friendships. You have to find your people, the ones you can babble on for hours with you about travel, life, or whatever you’re into. It can be overwhelming to others when you skip the small talk and go for the jugular on a story they were technically telling someone else when you started interviewing them—I mean, asking questions. Intensely.
Our friends lead us straight where they’re headed. People who love and pursue God will push you to do the same.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re probably wondering how you can make friends more easily. Pastor Craig Groeschel says, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Our friends lead us straight where they’re headed. People who love and pursue God will push you to do the same.
Here are four tips from one introvert to another (and yes, I really use these).
- Prepare small talk ideas ahead of time. You know you’re gonna run into this. Have a few ideas in your back pocket you’re comfortable with to ease initial conversation.
- Share wisely. Don’t give away stories or experiences to someone who doesn’t value them.
- Rest up. Social stuff is fun, but it zaps your energy. Rest beforehand so you have energy and feel great before meeting new people.
- You decide the how and when. Listen. You’re an adult. You can eat dessert for breakfast & you can decide how and when you want to hang. But introversion can’t become an excuse to be a recluse. Sure, you might prefer fewer people at a party, but you’re still responsible for pouring into and participating in the lives of others.
And at the end of the day, it’s not about you. It’s about how investing in others honors God. That’s because of the example Jesus set for us. Did you know Jesus calls us His friends? “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15 NIV In other words, He’s shared His heart—the core of who He is with us.
See? You can do it. It’s not about meeting a hundred people. It’s about learning to be your authentic self.