What is it about sex, especially connected, meaningful sex shared in marriage, that makes men come alive? Why do we as men want so badly to have the money we need to provide for ourselves and others we love? What is it about being trusted and chosen for a job or a position that feels so empowering? And why is none of this ever completely enough? We always want more sex, money, and power.
It’s because sex, money, and power look like the answer to our big questions. Why would my wife give herself to me? I must be worth it. I must be doing life right. I must have what it takes. I must be a man. Why do I get paid for my work and my investments? I must be worth it. I must have value. I must be a man. Why would I get hired and promoted? I must be important. I must be a man.
But they’re still not our biggest question.
John Eldredge, best-selling author of Wild at Heart, says, “Every little boy, every man, every one of us has one question that drives everything we do.” We all have a deep, hungry, and devouring question. Our question is not static; it does not rest, nor does it fail to want more. If we’re not careful, its next meal could be us.
Discovering Your Question
Have you discovered your question yet? It most likely sounds something like, “Do I have what it takes?” or, “Am I doing it right?” You’ve been asking it longer than you’ve been able to form words. Consider the barely walking baby boy, grinning ear to ear, trying to get Dad’s or Mom’s attention, saying “Dat, dat, dat!” Think about the teenage boy who’d do everything imaginable, and some things you wish he’d left unimaginable, to get interest from friends—especially female friends.
Too many men go decades without an answer. We take our question to girls, to women, to our wives, and to porn. But it remains. We take it to money, but there’s never enough. We take our question to school, to work, after hours, and all the hours. But it remains sturdy, louder-than-ever, and unanswered.
Unanswered questions hurt. Some of us power off, hang up, or hide. We try to skip that level and avoid the question monster altogether. We dip our feet or dive deep into hobbies, alcohol, drugs, and entertainment. We try anything to answer the question, or at least mute it for a while. Good things, bad things, anything to stop the nagging question.
Discovering Your Answer
The masculine question is unique. You’ll need to look to some masculine sources to help you find an answer: trustworthy men, men’s LifeGroups, mentors, your dad, father-figures, Jesus, and your heavenly Father.
Here’s the thing: your heavenly Father has already called you His son. He is waiting to tell you you’re doing well as His good and faithful servant. He wants to fight your battles with you. But are you looking to Him as your answer? Are you relying on Him, coming to Him, and seeking Him with boyhood intensity? Or, is something holding you back? Have you mistakenly learned to tell the “son” in you to just shut up and work? Did you decide at some point you’re on your own now? The man of the house now? Maybe you don’t feel up to being a man at all?
The tricky thing about your question is if you don’t become like a son and allow God to answer it, your search to find a second-best answer will be endlessly dissatisfactory. So, we’re inviting you to start a journey to join men like you to find the answer to your questions. Life.Church created Wild Life: Start Really Living, with the sole purpose to help men get their questions answered and their wounds healed, so we can live free.