I grew up in a Christian home with Christian values. So I knew what it meant to follow Jesus and make healthy choices. But in my late teens and early 20s, I let temptation lead me into a pattern of choices that hurt me and others. I turned to anything and anyone to help me feel loved and accepted—drinking, partying, relationships—but nothing ever satisfied.
After months of this lifestyle, I was miserable. I felt so depressed I didn’t think my life was worth living. Eventually, God brought Josh into my life—a guy I knew from high school. He took me under his wing and mentored me. His spiritual leadership helped me rediscover my relationship with Jesus.
But even though I’d recommitted my life to Jesus, I kept making similar mistakes. After each failure, I believed lies like “there’s no way God can love me” and “I’m a bad person; I’ll never be good enough.”
Feeling trapped in guilt and shame?
I had sinned and messed up so many times, hurting others in the process. I still believed in God, but I couldn’t get over my shame and accept His forgiveness for what I’d done. Can you relate?
For a long time, I held on to my guilt and couldn’t forgive myself, which led me to keep God at a distance.
But over the past few years, I’ve learned a few things about letting go of guilt and forgiving myself in a God-honoring way. I’d love to share these simple truths with you. I hope they can contribute to your healing process so that you begin to feel a little less weighed down by guilt.
First, I had to let Jesus love me.
There’s a quote by Brennan Manning that says, “God loves us as we are, not as we should be. Because none of us are as we should be.”
God looks at me despite my past mistakes and says, “Jon, I love you. I care about you. I’m here for you.” He knows I’m going to mess up. He knows I’m going to sin. But He also knows my potential.
God sees us—mistakes and all—and chooses to love us anyway.
The same is true for every one of us! God sees us—mistakes and all—and chooses to love us anyway. That’s why anyone can call on Him for forgiveness and salvation.
The Gospels remind us that God always sees potential in each one of us. In the Book of John, we’re told that after Jesus’ resurrection, He had breakfast on the beach with His disciples.
One of them, Peter, had denied Jesus three times. Scripture even tells us that Jesus locked eyes with Peter after the last denial. I can only imagine the gut-wrenching guilt and shame Peter must have felt.
God doesn’t want you to get stuck in guilt.
Peter had accepted responsibility for his actions, but he likely still experienced intense feelings of guilt and shame. Who wouldn’t? He’d betrayed God in human form. It’s hard to think of a worse sin.
Yet Jesus doesn’t condemn Peter. On the beach during breakfast, Jesus locks eyes with Peter a second time—but this time, He forgives him and invites Peter to continue following Him.
True self-forgiveness doesn’t deny the harm we’ve caused. Instead, it’s built on Jesus’ love for us. Jesus wants us to learn from our mistakes and not be trapped in thoughts of guilt, shame, or regret.
So why do you still feel guilty? Yes, your actions may have caused a lot of problems for you or others. But those failures don’t disqualify you from God’s love, and He doesn’t want you to remain in constant feelings of guilt.
Second, I had to accept my new identity.
My guilt and shame tell me one thing: I’m not worthy of forgiveness; I’m worthless. But Christ and the cross counter with this truth: I’m forgiven; Jesus gives me worth.
I hold closely to the thoughts God has toward me, like an encouraging letter from a close friend. I allow the truth of God’s love for me to become the bedrock of who I am.
What’s the secret to self-forgiveness?
Self-forgiveness only happens when we trust God’s forgiveness.
True self-forgiveness only happens when we trust God’s forgiveness. It’s laying down your ego and stepping into humility, accepting God’s grace, and letting go of your past.
Start to see yourself the way God does. He doesn’t hold our sins against us. Jesus paid for every one of our sins once and for all through His death on the cross. Self-condemnation won’t help you heal. So if you feel guilty because of past actions, take some time to remember and focus on God’s present love and forgiveness.
How to Forgive Yourself
The first step in letting go of guilt is to let God love you. But how do you start?
It might look like confessing your sin to a trusted person and getting accountability so you can heal.
Maybe it’s quitting that habit you started that you know you should stop. Getting out of guilt is always action-oriented. In the words of Jesus—“go and sin no more.”
Once you’ve opened yourself up to God’s love for you just as you are, step into His forgiveness through Christ—and embrace your new identity in Him. Trust that He accepts you and has good plans in store for you. He died for you so you can live a life of freedom that honors Him. Don’t hold back and miss out on what He has for you.
Guilt and shame are real feelings, and I’m not diminishing that. If you’re struggling with something, one of the best things you can do is pray with someone.