How to Never Say ‘I Hate My Husband (or Wife)’

Cindy Beall • 3 minutes

Relationships are tricky. “Happily ever after” is a myth. And the “ever after” part is much longer than you imagined. You can go from “I adore my husband,” to “I hate my husband,” faster than you ever thought possible. Cindy has been married to Chris for over 26 years. Read what she wrote in the Relationship Goals Bible Plan to bring home the fact that your spouse is never your enemy.

Let me just start things off with this: Regardless of whether or not you’ve ever thought or spoken the words, “I hate my husband,” or “I hate my wife,” your spouse is not your enemy. Peter described your true enemy as Satan, who prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

But it can be surprisingly easy to find ourselves reacting defensively or angrily when the person we love most disagrees with us, can’t it? Any number of issues can lead to trouble. We can find conflict in conversations about money, jobs, or priorities. Tempers flare. Next thing we know, we believe the person we love most is our enemy.

When Chris and I were younger, those were the mindsets we had when we fought. And boy did we fight. We were so wrapped up in our own wants that we would lose sight of the fact that we were supposed to be battling our common enemy, not each other.

The enemy would love nothing more than for you to view your spouse or significant other as your enemy. Don’t fall for it.

Where is there regular division in your relationship? Divisiveness is actually a characteristic of our spiritual enemy. That’s not to say that every time you fight as a couple or think the words “I hate my husband” that you’re under spiritual attack from Satan himself. Still, the enemy would love nothing more than for you to view your spouse or significant other as your enemy. Don’t fall for it.

The best way to kick the devil out of your relationship is to put Jesus at the center, together. Here are three ideas for moving in that direction.

Idea 1: Pray together.
Every single day. And not just for each other but with each other. That’s right. Take a moment, hold hands if you want, and offer up your prayers as a couple.

Idea 2: Invest in one another.
If you’ve been married a while, you know it’s easy to forget about this as the years pass. But we have to invest as much in our spouse in year 25 as we did in year one of dating. What would he or she view as an investment? Make those things happen. Make a reminder in your phone or put a sticky note in plain sight. Whatever you have to do to show them that you see them and appreciate them—do it.

Idea 3: Come together.
What sets healthy couples apart is their desire for unity. A marriage consists of two people whom God calls one. So, we need to act like it. Sometimes we focus so much on our own needs that we lose sight of the other person. Chris and I try to start each day by saying, “I choose us.”

Lastly, no matter what the enemy throws at you, he’s fighting a losing battle. Christ won victory over the devil once and for all, and as long as you and your spouse work toward building a strong, Christ-focused relationship, the enemy won’t succeed in his goals. So, pray together, invest in one another, and come together, knowing that your future is secure.