We all have moments of selfishness, right? Our brains are wired to put our own needs first. This has helped people survive for a long time. But chronic selfishness can create problems for you, friends, neighbors, family members, coworkers, and anyone else in your life.
What kinds of problems does selfish behavior cause? Depending on the situation, it could be anything from slight annoyance to broken relationships to chronic addiction.
Since you’re here, you or someone you love is probably facing some kind of consequence for selfish behavior. If so, know that God offers us grace for our failures. The pain is real, but so is the opportunity to find healing and humility.
Is It Selfish or Self-Care?
Let’s start by making something clear: Self-care is not selfish when it’s balanced with an others-focused attitude.
Early in the Bible, God told His people to take a day each week to rest, called the Sabbath. This practice reminded them that they weren’t just made to work, strive, and sacrifice but also to enjoy the good things God provided every day.
Jesus showed us what it looks like to put this sort of living into practice. He lived a sacrificial life, but He also took time to care for His body and invest in spiritual practices.
Rest Can Be Worship
Taking time to slow down, invest in spiritual disciplines, and do what you enjoy isn’t inherently selfish. In fact, it can be a way we worship. When we care for and delight in the things God has made and allow that care and delight to fuel our love for Him, we’re worshiping.
Self-care can become selfish when it becomes our ultimate goal. Jesus pursued self-care to fuel His ministry, but He didn’t constantly treat Himself, take long, expensive vacations, or buy the newest luxury items.
So, let’s be slow to label self-care as selfishness. At the same time, let’s audit what kinds of things we put under the umbrella of self-care using Jesus’ example as a guide.
How Can I Be Less Selfish? Try These 3 Tips
Let’s explore three ways we can be less selfish. Each of these tips uses Jesus’ life, teachings, and attitude as an example for us to follow.
Jesus (the King of the universe) didn’t leverage His authority for personal advantage—power, pleasure, control, or comfort. He took on the nature of a servant.
1. Worship Often
Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges… When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Philippians 2:6-8 NLT
How do you feel when you hear the word obedience? Not great, maybe? Most of us want the freedom, options, and agency to do what we want. But Jesus chose obedience to God’s plan. Why? Because He loves us.
God is the creator of the universe. He created us to have a relationship with Him. But through sin, that relationship was broken. As part of God’s plan to heal that relationship, He sent His Son to earth in the form of a man to show us how to live and love like Him. While on earth, Jesus suffered and died, providing a way for everyone to find life, meaning, and joy in Him. His obedience changed everything for us.
Selfishness tells us that obedience is a swear word—that people should obey us, but we don’t need to obey anyone. But when we refuse God’s invitation to obey His will and miss out on becoming whole, healthy partners in His plans, we also miss out on the joy He wants us to experience. Instead, we go through life pursuing temporary praise, titles, wealth, and admiration, which always fade over time.
A Life Filled With Worship
So what’s the solution? How do we change our attitude toward obedience? Simple: We worship. Worship is anything we do that reminds us who God is and who we are. Worship could include singing, service, generosity, and simple acts of kindness.
In Psalm 8, David wrote:
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? â€â€Psalm â€8:3-4‬ â€NIV‬‬
The more we reflect on God’s power and goodness, the more we remember how small and powerless we are without Him. This kind of reflection also fills us with passion for His plans, building our excitement to follow His lead.
2. Value Mission Over Personal Gain
Before Jesus’ ministry began, He faced temptation. In the wilderness, the enemy gave Jesus three offers. Each offer provided Jesus with a shortcut that would bypass pain and give Him immediate satisfaction.
One offer was for Jesus to perform a religious stunt in a public place. If Jesus had said yes, He would have been immediately worshiped by everyone in power—including the people who would eventually conspire to have Jesus killed. Performing this stunt would have made Jesus an instant celebrity, sparing Him from suffering and death. But Jesus said no. Why?
As God, Jesus is worthy of all our praise, but that wasn’t the point of His ministry on earth. His mission was to show us how to live in a way that pleases God and save us.
Selfish Behavior Leads to Pain
Prioritizing personal praise doesn’t lead to a joy-filled life.
Prioritizing personal praise doesn’t lead to a joy-filled life. Instead, it leads to a life of pretending, performance, and jealousy.
Think of someone whose only goal in life is to get a promotion. They’re probably not a great coworker, are they? They’ll do anything to get ahead, even if it means lying, backstabbing, or gossiping.
Jesus shows us that the point of life isn’t to get ahead. It’s to care for others. That’s not to say that we become pushovers, but it does mean that we don’t consider our needs as greater than the needs of others.
3. Serve the People You Lead
When you picture a leader—do you picture yourself?
We all have spheres of influence, which means we are all called to lead in some capacity. If we follow Jesus, we’re called to follow His leadership example wherever we are and in whatever we do.
When Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, He showed them His standard for leadership. To lead like Jesus, His disciples would need to demonstrate humility and serve others sacrificially.
“... the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 NIV
In first-century Israel, washing feet was typically a servant’s job. It was a radical step for Jesus to wash His disciples’ feet and then command them to do the same, placing each of them in the position of a servant.
Everyone Is Equal
To be great in Jesus’ eyes was to serve others sacrificially. In order to serve others sacrificially, you need to be willing to view others as equally valuable.
This doesn’t mean that having a low opinion of yourself. It means having such an accurate view of yourself that you don’t see yourself as greater (or less) than you actually are. You see yourself the way Jesus sees you: As someone worthy of being served and worthy of serving others.
Jesus served His disciples out of love, and He willingly went to the cross to sacrifice Himself for us. Jesus illustrated that if we want to become great leaders, we must serve others humbly.
So right now, ask Jesus to shape the way you view yourself and the people He’s placed in your life. Then, allow Him to show you how you can serve someone from a place of confidence and love today.
Seek Humility
If you feel you have a problem with self-centeredness, you can change. It may take time, but as you shift your focus from yourself to God, you’ll gain self-awareness, humility, empathy, and gratitude. Those qualities will inevitably lead to fewer selfish thoughts and more healthy relationships.