How to Be a Man: A Guide to Courage, Honesty, and Humility - Finds.Life.Church

How to Be a Man: A Guide to Courage, Honesty, and Humility


Whether you’re 16, 86, or somewhere in between, you probably ask some version of this question in your head, your heart, and maybe even out loud to friends and mentors: What do I need to do and how should I think about how to be a man? 

You’ve probably figured out by now it’s not about doing “macho stuff,” or being outdoorsy, or dressing just right, or knowing how to shave without getting razor burn. Although, if you figure out the last one, would you mind dropping us a line?

Maybe the question shows itself unanswered in your life. Maybe you’re fighting a battle with lust or trying to quit porn. Maybe no matter how successful you are at work, it’s never enough. Maybe each new relationship seems like the answer—then it’s not. Or some new habit, diet, workout, or book promises to be the answer, then isn’t. Maybe addictions look like relief, until they don’t. You know this list; you’ve probably lived some of it. All the unanswered pursuits of the right kind of masculinity that keep you searching for some guide for how to be a man. 

One of the keys to being a man is honesty. So here goes nothing. This guide itself is not the answer either. Don’t click away, though. If you take it, use it, put it into practice with others in your life, and invite God to lead you as your ultimate guide, then you’ll start living a life that’s stronger, deeper, and more rewarding than you ever imagined possible. 

Getting Honest

Real progress starts when you realize where you are. Another way to put that is—all growth begins with self-awareness. You have to start by being honest with yourself if you’re going to be honest with others. So many of the pains we face as men come down to honesty. Being dishonest doesn’t just show up in hiding addictions, covering affairs, fudging finances, and misleading business deals. Getting honest is also about discovering what you’re actually feeling, allowing people to see your weaknesses, and no longer pretending to be something you’re not. 

We’ve compiled some of our favorite material to help you get honest with life:

It’s hard to be honest alone, so rally some friends to go through some of these materials with you. Then get together and talk about what stuck for you. 

Garnering Courage

It takes courage to live. Want proof? What would happen if you stopped doing everything you do every day? If you stopped paying bills, going to work, taking care of yourself, caring for others, being a friend, and basically stopped following the most basic expectations of humanity? What would happen? People would be hurt. There’s no question. Your most basic contributions to life require courage, and your current level of courage is not only protecting you but also probably fighting for others. Everything from here on out is just garnering the courage God’s already made available to you through Himself.

Here are some ideas for growing in courage:

Get together with other guys who are at all different stages of discovering courage. Use some of the great content below to help spark your conversation. If you attend Life.Church in person or online, then find or start a men’s group and challenge them to go through this content together. 

Gaining Humility

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis points out the importance of humility: “As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you.” Makes sense. Micah 6:8 simplifies God’s requirements of us, “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” So how do we defeat pride and gain humility?

Here are some great ways to add more humility to your life:

No one sees you better than the people who know you best. Seeing a theme? Whether it’s for coffee, tacos, golf, or just to hang out, build a regular group of guys and go through some of these humility-producing resources together. 

Growing Faith

It takes faith to know God and it takes faith to please God. But what is faith? Is it blind? Can it be strengthened like a muscle? If so, how? There are ways to grow your faith. The traditional term is spiritual disciplines. Which are basically just doing consistent things that connect you with the reality of God. Things like silence, prayer, solitude, fasting, generosity, serving,  gathering with other Jesus followers, and reconnecting the things you love to the God you love. 

Start one spiritual discipline and go through these resources with a group of guys who love and follow Jesus. 

There are no clear-cut, exact answers for how to be a man. There isn’t even one exact way to be a man. But you can learn from the God-fearing men in your life and from the best example we have—Jesus. 

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