Imagine how your life might change if God healed your shame today. What bold steps would you dare to take? How would your relationships change? And how would your view of yourself shift?
It’s perfectly fine if you don’t have immediate answers to these questions. But keep these questions in mind as we delve into what the Bible says about letting go of shame.
Is Shame From God?
Did God create shame? Yes and no. Let’s explore the first story about shame we see in the Bible. Adam and Eve lived in perfection, but when they disobeyed God, they experienced shame. The Bible doesn’t say that God struck them with shameful feelings. Instead, shame was a natural result of doing something they knew to be wrong.
God made us to live in perfect harmony with Him. Shame is a natural reaction when we know our choices don’t line up with how God created us to live. While shame is painful, it can help us, too. Why? Because it’s a signal telling us to change directions. It’s like a GPS on your phone that’s quick to tell you if you missed your highway exit.
So why does shame often feel more harmful than helpful? Because unchecked and unhealthy shame can make us feel like our bad choices make us bad people. But it doesn’t stop there. Over time, toxic shame can keep telling destructive lies that erode our mental health, self-worth, trust in God, and relationships.
3 Ways Shame Lies to Us
How do we stop shame from stealing our lives? We stop believing the lies it tries to tell us and embrace truth from the words of Jesus.
Lie 1: God Is Always Mad or Disappointed With You
After disobeying, Adam and Eve tried to hide from God. Their shame convinced them that God was strict, impatient, angry, and ready to punish rulebreakers without mercy.
But God isn’t like that. Sure, He can get angry, and He hates sin. But He loves people and loves to offer second chances.
It’s easier to believe Bible verses about God’s grace, love, and forgiveness when we’re doing the right thing. But when we mess up, we can quickly follow Adam and Eve’s lead, hiding from God rather than embracing His grace.
When you feel like God is constantly angry or disappointed with you, remember these words of Jesus:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
Jesus is God, and He’s telling us what He’s like. He’s not a ruthless dictator judging our performance from heaven. Instead, He’s right beside us, offering us support as we seek to follow His example. So you don’t need to run or hide from Him. Instead, let Him help you.
Lie 2: You’re a Failure
When God confronts Adam, he immediately tries to throw Eve under the bus by blaming her. She then blames the serpent. Why do they blame others instead of owning their failures? Because no one wants to feel like a failure, and it was much easier for them to blame someone else than to feel like they had let themselves or others down.
You’ve failed in the past, but you’re not a failure.
Yeah, you’ve failed in the past, but you’re not a failure. Remember, God loves to give second chances. Just because you messed up in the past doesn’t mean God can’t use you in the present or future.
Jesus’ closest followers failed all the time. They constantly said or did things that didn’t align with Jesus’ mission. He corrected them but didn’t condemn or kick them off His team. Instead, He showed patience, care, and grace when they failed and showed them a better way forward.
On the night of Jesus’ arrest, Peter promised never to betray Him. But not long after Jesus’ arrest, Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. He almost certainly felt shame.
Jesus rose from the dead three days later, and Peter got to see Him. But Peter didn’t continue Jesus’ mission at first. Why? Probably because shame led him to feel like a failure. So he returned to the life he had led before meeting Jesus—life as a fisherman.
Jesus Offers Grace
But one day, Jesus found Peter on the shore and invited Peter to continue following Him three times:
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these? “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep." John 21:15-17 NIV
Peter failed, but he wasn’t a failure. Jesus still saw value in Peter and knew he had the potential to make a meaningful difference in the world. The same is true for you. Jesus sees value in you, even though you’ve failed in the past. And He sees world-changing potential in you.
Don’t let your inner critic shape your identity. Instead, allow God’s grace and love to remind you that there are always opportunities to start fresh.
Lie 3: You’re the Only One Who’s Failed
Shame can be isolating, especially when we believe that our failure is somehow unique. Like we’re the only ones struggling with a certain temptation while everyone else is immune. Shame tells us we’re uniquely sinful, broken, and incapable of doing good. This can lead us to hide rather than seek help.
Let’s go back to the garden. Adam and Eve’s failure caused shame, and shame led them to hide from God and blame others. In other words, shame caused them to undermine their relationships with God and people.
Everyone Fails Sometimes
But as we’ve already seen, everyone fails. You’re a unique creation of God, but you’re not unique in failing to be perfect. Just look at these words of Jesus:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17 NIV
The world is full of people who regularly fail, including me and you. But there’s good news. God came to Earth as Jesus, not to condemn us but to save us.
Ask for Help
Shame thrives in the dark. So let’s stop hiding and ask for help! Sure, it might feel awkward or scary to show vulnerability, but it’s better to bring your shame into the light.
Don’t struggle alone. Find someone you can talk to about your negative feelings. To start, you might consider filling out an online prayer request. But don’t stop there. Find a mentor, pastor, or counselor who can help you process your shame.
How to Overcome Toxic Shame
The key to overcoming shame isn’t finding a good self-help book, positive self-talk, being a good person, doing enough good deeds, or trivializing our mistakes. The cure for shame is remembering God’s loving plans for us despite our failures.
At the top of this article, we asked how your life would be different if you didn’t feel ashamed. Now, let’s ask those questions again, focusing on what we’ve explored together.
Live With Less Guilt and Shame
How would your life be different if you knew that God wasn’t mad or disappointed but full of grace and ready to offer second chances? How would you view yourself differently if you refused to label yourself as a failure but instead as someone made by God with a purpose? And how would your relationships change if you didn’t feel like you needed to hide your flaws from your loved ones?
While we can’t know for sure, we’d guess you’d find greater peace, stronger relationships, and a closer connection with God. What else is possible when you stop listening to toxic shame and start listening to God’s voice? You’ll have to discover the answer for yourself.