Last year was really, really hard. My family experienced two losses—one to cancer and one to suicide—within months of each other. Then, my husband lost his job.
Have you ever felt like you’re taking one hit after another? If you have, you know how quickly it wears you down. I was exhausted, grieving, and trying to keep moving forward anyway.
Hiding From God and Others
Experiencing a job loss after the deaths of two family members felt completely overwhelming, like I could barely recover and grieve one loss before the next one hit. It was exhausting and took everything out of us.
What I needed most was honesty with God and others. But it felt so much easier to act like I had it all together than do the hard work of opening up about what I was really dealing with internally.
Unfortunately, these losses strained my marriage and our friendships. It also impacted my relationship with God. My daily time with Him started to go by the wayside as I tried to handle it all without bringing Him my hurt and worry.
After a couple of months of adjusting to our new “normal,” I found it easier and easier to put on a cheerful face in front of my friends and coworkers. Externally, I could pretend everything was fine and that I was handling it all. But internally, I was falling apart, trying to control my circumstances and carry the weight of what we were going through.
How to Be Honest With God
Pretending to be fine didn’t last long. I quickly realized I cannot do this on my own. Even when I felt low on confidence, leaning on God and trusting Him and His Word proved far better than relying on myself.
I don’t have to pretend with God.
As we’re reminded in 2 Corinthians 12:9, God’s power works best in our weakness. I don’t have to pretend with God. I can bring everything I have to Him, whether it's praise or the cries of my heart when I’m grieving.
Remember God’s Goodness
When life felt most difficult, and I was stuck in bad thought patterns, one small thing helped me not get too far off track. I chose to thank God—even if I didn’t feel like it—for the little things that brought me joy in the middle of my day or week.
Sometimes it was as simple as thanking Him for the colors of the sunset. Or the way my kids hugged me when I got home from work. Or how a coworker checked in on me on a day I seemed “off.”
The Book of Habakkuk says,
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. Habakkuk 3:17-19 NIV
This passage was written by someone who had lost everything but still found hope in God. It reminds me that even when the hardest things are going on, I can be honest about both the good and the bad things in life, and Jesus meets me with hope.
Being honest didn’t fix everything, but it kept me from walking away from God. I’ve learned that leaning on God for strength doesn’t mean that all the hard parts of life go away. Rather, it means that I don’t have to do it alone.
A Prayer for Being Honest With God
God, what’s going on in my life right now is really hard, and I don’t understand why this is happening. Please help me to continue to trust in You, even when it doesn’t make sense. In Jesus’ name, amen.
What Staying With God Can Look Like
Staying with God in the middle of that hard season was not easy. I had to make daily choices to stay connected to Him when it would’ve been easier to walk away. Here’s what this looked like for me:
- Continuing to pray with my kids at bedtime
- Thanking God for the little things that bring me joy (like birds, the freckles on my toddler’s cheeks, and a really good home-cooked meal)
- Recognizing that I can’t carry it all, and He will carry my burdens and worries (Psalm 55:22)
- Above all, being completely honest with God
You Can Be Honest With God
You don’t have to pretend everything is okay with God. He sees you, hears you, and hasn’t left you. Even when you feel like your trust in Him might fall apart, He is right there with you.
So today, right now, be honest with God. Tell Him how you feel, where you hurt, and what’s frustrating. He can handle your questions, fears, and doubts.