Do you ever feel like you know what you need to do, but you don’t have the strength to do it? Or maybe you know you need help, but you don’t know who to ask? I felt that way about social anxiety—and so of course I tried to deal with it alone. I didn’t want to rely on anyone else for help.
Now, looking back, I realize that much of the pain I went through was as a result of trying to do things on my own. I’ve now learned that God’s plan is not for me to be independent, but rather to depend on Him and other people.
What Is Dependence?
Independence tends to be highly valued these days, but if we want to understand God’s plan for us, we need to understand the alternative: dependence.
Dependence is often seen as a negative trait in cultures that prize freedom. Who wants to describe themselves as dependent on others? I wanted to have freedom, but my pursuit of independence kept me from finding the help I needed while dealing with anxiety—help from God and others.
Trusting God to Care for Us
At the core of dependence on God is faith that He will care and provide for us the way a good father cares and provides for his children.
God loves us. He gives us what we need. But sometimes what we ask for isn’t what we need. Just like parents won’t give their children candy for dinner, God won’t give us things that will hurt us just because we ask. Depending on God means laying down our plans and preferences, trusting who He is, and following His lead.
Trust Isn’t Easy
My story hasn’t been one of easy trust or carefree dependence, but one of messy, painful learning. I remember going through a difficult several months. I’d isolated myself from my friends, and relationships with people I trusted grew strained. I loved God, but after all the pain I experienced, I didn’t feel like I could trust Him. Can you relate?
Depending on God Is Simpler Than I Thought
I tried to do things on my own for a while and it led me to a place of deep anxiety. When I chose not to go to social events, I felt guilty and inadequate, because I had let the anxiety win. And when I did make it to gatherings, I felt isolated and embarrassed. I didn’t think I was capable of being friends with people anymore.
Eventually I got tired of trying on my own, so I tried giving my anxiety to God. I prayed and prayed for it to go away, and occasionally I had days when I would feel better. Some situations were sticking points, though. One of these was attending my church’s small group.
Every Monday night, without fail, the anxiety would rise. For no rational reason, I was terrified and paralyzed by fear. These feelings led me to isolate myself. But one night I finally listened to my parents’ advice and went anyway.
I remember the feeling of driving to my small group, begging God to give me peace, and feeling somewhat betrayed when the anxiety stubbornly stuck around. Halfway into the evening, I felt God wanted me to speak up and add something to the group discussion. When I started talking, my fear disappeared. And I learned this lesson: Sometimes you have to trust God and take action before you feel ready.
What Is Childlike Faith, Anyway?
I also learned I needed to receive God like a child. God loves us and has made us His children. We can love Him and depend on Him as our good Father. Jesus said we can’t enter His kingdom unless we receive it like children. So how do we do that? This is what Luke says about it:
Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Luke 18:15-17 ESV
What does it mean to receive God like a child? The children in this passage were very young. Think about how little babies receive things. They can’t get up and take what they want; their parents give them things. The only thing that infants do—the only part they play in receiving—is to cry out for what they need. Like an infant, sometimes we need to cry out for what we need.
Prayer: Humble Trust
Prayer serves the same function as an infant’s cry. God wants us to bring our needs to Him with the same confidence an infant has in its parents. One of the greatest signs of trust in God is continually relying on Him—which requires humility.
When you have the humility to ask for what you need, you’ll find yourself closer to God than at almost any other time. Humility is not so much the opposite of pride as it is an accurate perception of your worth. In prayer, humility means understanding that even though God doesn’t always give you what you ask for right away, He always cares about the request, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
What Does Community Have to Do With Depending on God?
Often when we think of depending on God, we think of relying on Him and Him alone to meet our needs. We pray and ask God to give us the courage to do something but forget to text our friends and ask them to do it with us. The Bible teaches something different. In Genesis 2, God says it is not good for man to be alone.
Think about the context here. This is before the fall—before sin entered the world. The man, Adam, was in the garden. He was sinless, in perfect communion with his Creator, but without any other people. What did God think about this situation? It was “not good.” This shows us that God made us for community with others.
Community Doesn’t Have to Be Scary
I was resistant to depending on God through community. I felt scared that people would judge me or think less of me if I was open with them. It took many leaps of faith before I became healed and obedient to God’s plan.
God gave me the opportunity to lead a Bible study at my church. As I grew in this role, I realized that when other people contributed, I wasn’t judging what they said. Was it possible that other communities could be the same way? With this question at the back of my mind, I slowly opened up to trying community again.
Community isn’t always easy, but as we grow through our problems together, we find the strength to follow Jesus well—as individuals and as a community.
God Works Through His People
When you ask God for something, He often answers through His people.
Trusting in God can’t be separated from trusting His plan. God’s plan from the beginning was for us to be in supportive community with each other, so when you ask God for something, He often answers through His people.
If you don’t yet have a community, you’re missing out on an aspect of God’s provision that He wants all of us to have. My story of being freed from anxiety only happened through God’s people. Sometimes your answer to prayer is waiting for you in a godly community.
Depending on My Community
I had made a lot of progress in my journey to rely on God and others—particularly by choosing to join my group of friends and speak up even when I dreaded it. But I still struggled with anxiety.
I realized I needed to tell my entire small group what I had been going through. I had butterflies in my stomach, and my heart was racing, but I took another step of faith and shared more of my story. They supported me and prayed for me as I depended on God and others.
Bringing others into my battle was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Healing didn’t happen overnight, but it was so much easier to navigate my struggles with support from my dependable friends. At Life.Church, we call these friend groups LifeGroups, and anyone can find one in person or online.
You and I Can Depend on God
It can be intimidating to depend on God. So start with small actions, and watch as God grows your trust over time. You have a Father who loves you and wants what is best for you. Think about this question: Am I part of a community that encourages me to depend on God? If not, do I have a place where I can find it?
Here’s my challenge: Find one area of your life where you can give up control. Instead of trying to do things yourself in this area, pray and ask God and others for what you need. This might be one of the best choices you make in your life. It sure was for me.
If you’re unsure how to get started with prayer, here’s another article to help: