Parenting is really hard—and it’s really great. And the same is true for technology like smartphones, video games, tablets, and general screen time. It’s difficult to navigate, but it also has great qualities.
As the founder and CEO of Axis.org, my primary focus is on helping parents and teenagers have one conversation that never ends. And while our organization is centered on teenagers, so many of these principles can be applied to whatever season of parenting you find yourself in.
I’m also a dad, so I know firsthand how difficult and ambiguous it can feel to navigate the digital world. My wife and I just got all three of our kids their first phone—a device designed specifically to be an introductory step to a smartphone. And we’re learning to navigate this device together, as a family, more and more each day.
With so many voices, perspectives, studies, and cultures speaking into our families’ hearts, we get to choose how we engage with smartphones and screen time together.
And I know you feel this too: The number one question we get asked at Axis is “So, when should I get my kid a smartphone?”
I promise we’ll get to that answer, and more.
What the Bible Does (and Doesn’t) Say About Smartphones
I used to think technology like smartphones was neutral—similar to a brick. It’s not inherently good or bad, just neutral. But when I read the Book of Genesis and the story of creation, I see that this is an incomplete understanding.
In the beginning, God said that everything He made was good. But in the third chapter of the Bible, people took matters into their own hands and tried to control what was God’s, ultimately leading to the fall. Still, God was determined to bring restoration to His people and His world. Through Jesus, we have redemption, grace, and hope for today and the future.
When we look at smartphones and technology, we can be encouraged that they are good, cursed, and redeemed.
As individuals, as a family, and as Christians on a mission to share Christ’s hope, we can work to redeem technology together.
The Question We Should Be Asking
As parents, we might feel pressured to hand our kids the newest smartphone on a milestone birthday or wrap one up in pretty paper under the Christmas tree. In a digital world, it can feel like it’s an all-or-nothing decision.
We don’t want our kids to feel socially excluded, but we also recognize the dangers they might encounter after powering on their devices.
However, I would argue that many of us are asking a question that reveals more about our heart posture for our kids than the practical question at the surface.
Instead of asking “When should I get my kid a smartphone?” we could ask “How should I give my kid a smartphone?”
Instead of asking “When should I get my kid a smartphone?” we could ask “How should I give my kid a smartphone?”
Think about when you first passed your driver’s test, received your license, and held your car keys in your hand. It’s unlikely that your first time behind the wheel was during your driver’s test. Instead, you probably practiced driving with someone you trusted for endless hours over several weeks or months.
The same logic can be applied to our kids’ smartphones. As parents, we can walk with them as they learn how to use their smartphones with wisdom, discernment, and care—for God, themselves, and others.
At Axis, we’ve created a toolkit to help your family navigate smartphone introductions, with the ultimate goal of our kids being able to use their phones with complete freedom and trust before they move out of our homes.
Starting the Smartphone Conversation With Your Family
Remember, our goal as parents is to foster and maintain a relationship with our kids. So as you navigate the topic of smartphones and screen time together, you can bring your kids into the conversation.
And if you’re already given your kids a smartphone, it’s not too late to have this conversation. You can approach them with phrases like, “I’ve been learning more about smartphones,” and “I want us to be on the same page as a family.”
Our kids are smart, and we all want healthy relationships with our devices. When you bring them into the conversation to collaborate and discuss expectations, it will lead to a stronger connection and build trust over time.
To help you start the conversation, we’ve created a free printable PDF that will help your family create an individualized technology plan.
This document is designed to help your family work toward a common goal and understanding of how technology will be used in your home. You’ll discuss:
- Non-Negotiables: Expectations around device privacy, login information, response times to calls and texts, etc.
- Money: Who pays for the phone plan, device, and its accompanying accessories
- Location: The physical boundaries of where devices can and cannot be used
- Time: Duration and limitations for screen time use
- Internet: How and when browsers will be used
- App Store: Boundaries and limitations for app store purchases or downloads
- Texting: Identifying individuals whom you’re allowed to text, and what monitoring of messages looks like
- Social Media: Expectations around social media engagement individually and as a family
While this will help you start the conversation, it’s also a document that can be revised, edited, and adapted over time—it’s not a once-and-done resource. As your kids get older, you’ll learn how to make changes, loosen restrictions, and finally release your kids into full freedom with their smartphones.
Bookmark this article to easily find the printable PDF when you need it again.
When Should My Kid Get a Smartphone?
So when should your kid get a smartphone? Ultimately, that’s a decision you’ll make as parents for your kids. However, at Axis, we think most kids are ready for their first phone around middle school years (ages 12 or 13). And their “first phone” doesn’t have to be a smartphone. As you apply and execute your family’s technology plan, you’ll find out what works best for your unique situation.
Guiding your kids through forming healthy technology boundaries is a process, but as long as you keep your focus on your relationship with your kids, you can faithfully trust God to fill the gaps with grace, love, and compassion.