Can Christians be friends with non-Christians? The simple answer is yes. But for many, this question comes with baggage.
Maybe you’ve felt insecure, intimidated, or anxious about building friendships with people of differing beliefs. If you’re like me, you might have even grown up with consistent messaging about the dangers of unbelieving friends. On the other hand, you might already be friends with non-Christians—but you’re wondering whether their influence might impact your faith.
No matter how you approach this question, we’re going to unpack why it’s more than just okay for Christians to be friends with non-Christians.
Expectations vs. Reality
As a kid, I heard diverse, contradictory, and occasionally toxic takes whenever I asked “Can Christians be friends with non-Christians?” Some people said, “Of course!” Others warned, “Non-believers hate Christians! They’re sinners bound for hell, and they’ll drag you down with them!”
If you grew up with the more intense teaching, let me try to put your mind at ease. I’ve had dozens of non-Christian friends and none of them have seriously made fun of my faith or tried to convince me to stop believing. And, for what it’s worth, none have asked me to join a satanic cult (so far).
Have I needed wisdom, boundaries, and the occasional “no” in these friendships? Absolutely. But living in fear of what non-Christian friends might do or say isn’t necessary and doesn’t reflect Jesus’ example.
People Aren’t Projects
Overall, the most common teaching I heard about making friends who aren’t Christian was this: You can have non-Christian friends, but only if you’re consistently preaching the gospel to them and inviting them to church. But your closest friends should always be Christians.
Does that sound familiar to you?
It’s not a bad starting point, but I have three problems with this mindset:
- Some of the best examples of Jesus’ grace, compassion, and care in my life have come from non-Christian friends.
- Some people claim to be Christians with their words but don’t seek to live and love like Jesus in their daily lives.
- People are people, not projects. So turning a friendship into a marketing push for faith in Jesus isn’t healthy for you, them, or your friendship.
This mindset can create distance instead of connection—an us vs. them way of thinking that Jesus never modeled. When we treat friendships as projects instead of relationships, we risk missing out on the genuine connection God designed us for.
Us and Them
Jesus had a lot of experience crossing social and religious barriers. On several occasions, the spiritual elite criticized Jesus for sharing meals with people they labeled “sinners.” These “sinners” were people who, for a variety of reasons, didn’t live up to the religious and cultural standards of the spiritual leaders.
Jesus didn’t let social or religious barriers keep Him from meaningful relationships—even when He encountered the people His culture labeled the “worst-of-the-worst” sinners.
One famous example was the tax collector Zaccheus. This man used legal loopholes to steal money from his neighbors. Spiritually and morally, Jesus had every reason to ignore Zaccheus, use him as an object lesson on sin, gossip about him behind his back, or outright condemn Him.
But Jesus didn’t do that. Instead, Jesus shared a meal with him and engaged him in a life-changing conversation. This care led Zaccheus to give back what he stole, and he committed to changing his life.
Jesus repeats this pattern throughout the stories of His ministry. He found outsiders, showed them care, and led them to life change. The next time you read a story about Jesus, see if you can spot the pattern.
Don’t Hide From “Non-Believers”
What does Jesus’ example show us about spending time with non-Christians? A few things.
Jesus didn’t just tolerate people from different backgrounds—He sought them out.
First, Jesus shows us that we don’t need to fear or hide from people with differing beliefs. Jesus didn’t just tolerate people from different backgrounds—He sought them out. Jesus knew that people aren’t our enemies just because they don’t share our faith (and even if they do treat us antagonistically, Jesus calls us to love our enemies).
Second, Jesus shows us that building quality friendships with “unbelievers” can lead to meaningful life change. Often, the people who encountered Jesus left with a renewed faith, fresh perspective, or life-changing transformation.
The Danger of Living in a Christian Bubble
Surrounding yourself with Christian friends can be a good thing—it can help you grow in your faith, provide encouragement, and kees you accountable. But what happens when all of your close relationships are with people who think and believe just like you?
When we only interact with other Christians, we risk isolating ourselves from the very people Jesus calls us to love.
It’s easy to forget what life was like before we knew Christ and lose compassion for those who see the world differently. Instead of engaging with people who need Jesus, we can become judgmental, fearful of different perspectives, or even indifferent to the struggles of those outside our faith.
Jesus didn’t compromise His values, but He also didn’t avoid relationships with those who didn’t share them.
As we’ve seen, Jesus didn’t live in a “bubble.” Jesus didn’t compromise His values, but He also didn’t avoid relationships with those who didn’t share them. If we truly want to be like Jesus, we need to step out of our comfort zones, build genuine friendships, and let our love reflect His love.
Don’t Settle for One Kind of Friendship
Growing up, I was told there were only two categories of friends: Christian friends and unbelieving friends. But after living and learning about friendship over the years, I think there are actually three kinds of friends.
- Friends who don’t know Jesus personally.
- Friends who say they’re Christians but don’t prioritize becoming more like Jesus.
- Friends who know Jesus and seek to live and love like Him each day.
Most of my “Christian” friends as a kid were in the second category. They went to church and swore less than my non-Christian friends, but weren’t seeking to love, forgive, and serve like Jesus.
Later, I went to Bible college, and I encountered the same kinds of friends. People who held the “correct” beliefs, but who didn’t allow those beliefs to overflow into meaningful, others-focused actions.
I’m convinced that surrounding ourselves with Christians who claim to know Jesus but don’t seek to follow Him can be as damaging (or more damaging) to our faith as surrounding ourselves with non-Christian friends.
Why? Because we can’t help becoming like the people we’re around. If we surround ourselves with people who are cultural Christians, or Christians who believe faith is simply a set of beliefs, we’ll miss out on our calling to make a difference through reflecting Christ’s love to the world.
But when we form close friendships with people in the third group, the group of people who are seeking to follow Jesus with their whole lives, we’ll naturally become friends with all kinds of people. Why? Because those close friendships will propel us into others-focused care and action.
Learning from All Friendships
All people are made in the image of God, so everyone has the ability to display God’s good qualities. This is true even of your non-believing friends.
Many examples of God’s kindness, forgiveness, grace, acceptance, and care have come through people who don’t know Jesus. Their actions remind me of a story in the gospels, where Jesus meets a Roman Centurion who presumably isn’t a follower of God’s way. Yet Jesus is impressed by his understanding of faith and calls him an example others should follow.
Today, people of all faiths and no faith feed those in need, fight injustice, care for the sick, and work toward peace. All of these actions reflect God’s goodness, whether intentionally or unintentionally. God can teach Christians more about His character and love through innumerable sources—including people who don’t follow Him.
So look for the glimpses of Jesus in all of your friendships, and celebrate those qualities when you see them!
Who You Surround Yourself With Matters
Who you spend your time with inevitably changes you, so we’re wise to choose our friends carefully.
God doesn’t call us to live in fear, so don’t be afraid of building friendships with “unbelievers.” Yes, you’re wise to consider how close you choose to become with people who don’t follow Jesus Christ. And, yes, you should make intentional efforts to pray for them and share your faith in respectful, appropriate ways with friends who are non-believers.
At the end of the day, great friendships aren’t about labels—they’re about love, respect, and growth. Follow Jesus’ example, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who help you become more like Him.