Imagine with me that you meet a guy or girl who is what you would consider a truly amazing person. They’re confident, smart, funny, pursuing Christ, really living their best life. Oh, and they’re single—and have been for a long time. Would that last fact surprise you? Would it leave you scratching your head a bit and quietly asking, “Why?” I imagine that this person I am describing could very well be you. And honestly, it’s me, too. And sometimes, we can’t help but ask ourselves, Why am I still single?
Real talk: I don’t feel called to be perpetually single, yet here I am walking out God-honoring singleness while still praying consistently for a spouse. Singleness is one of those paradoxes in my walk with Christ that presents a tension between feeling freed yet lonely, grateful and content but sometimes disappointed and confused. So what do we do with that?
In Proverbs 3:5-6, we’re told to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and to avoid leaning on our own understanding. Interesting that what it doesn’t say is to trust in the Lord with all of our brains. Trying to wrap my mind around why I’m still single had led mostly to frustration. So, maybe the best question for us in the solo season isn’t why, but what next? What will we do with this season? Where will we go? Who does God want us to connect with?
Here’s a thought—marriage, as great as it is, isn’t the endgame. In the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, the apostle Paul is pretty blunt regarding his thoughts on singleness as a follower of Christ. In so many words, Paul said that singleness is an opportunity to serve God in a way only you can as an unmarried person. The endgame is to be a fully devoted follower of Christ and all the adventure that comes along with that!
Friends, can I be direct with you for a moment? If you’re looking to meet that special someone and find out that they’re a 30-or-40-something who’s unmarried, your first instinct might be to say, “Well, there must be a reason they’re still single. What’s wrong with them?” Psst! You’re still single, too. Let’s be honest, that sort of thinking isn’t helping anyone. In 1 Corinthians 13, also referred to as the “love chapter” of the Bible, it says that love always expects the best. So, let’s expect the best about each other!
Finally, I know this. Whether married or single, the time to live your life in full pursuit of all that God has for you is now. This is not plan B. This is plan A. Trust the words a good pastor once told me about God, “When you cannot see His hand, trust His heart.” Even though I don’t understand this particular aspect of my life, I trust God implicitly with it.