Have you ever been paralyzed with fear? Do you blame yourself for bad things that happened to you or someone else? Is the pain so deep that you want to give up on everything? Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? Have you felt alone? Have you lost trust in everyone? Do you sometimes feel unloved? Do you need to start overcoming the pain of rape?
I was raped at 19 years old. That is what happened to me. I have scars from that terrible night that remind me of it every day. After the rape, I was the girl smiling on the outside and dying on the inside.
I was trying to fight someone twice my size. The feeling of being completely helpless because you’re being held down … and no matter how hard you struggle … you. cannot. win.
You try to forget the smell of his hands when he covers your mouth and throat so you don’t scream. You close your eyes so you don’t have to look and pretend not to feel. You pray it would just all stop.
“To trust God in the light is nothing, but to trust him in the dark—that is faith.” –C.H. Spurgeon
This is the deal, friends. My recovery was long, ugly, and painful. I was broken in every area of my life. I felt completely lost and helpless. Everything I did was in an attempt to forget what had happened to me, forcing feelings deep down. Trust was lost in every person I knew. I pushed friends and family away. Fear was unbearable at times. I was afraid I would end up alone. Shame covered me. I didn’t understand that God would still love me no matter what my past looked like.
I allowed this event to silently choke years out of my life. I could not break the chains of bondage, and life spun out of control. I felt as though I had been left alone to deal with the mental, physical, and emotional mess that was left behind.
We all have something hidden away, don’t we? Some mess that may haunt us?
It may not be a sexual assault. It could be an addiction. Alcoholism. Drugs. Gambling. Porn. Maybe you’ve become a slave to money or food, have a history of abuse, divorce, or unhealthy relationships. Or maybe you’ve had to suffer through the death of a child. I know I can raise my hand to many of those things.
I have found freedom, healing, peace, and joy in my life despite those awful circumstances! Please know that you can also have all of those things and more.
He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Psalms 91:4 NLT
Here’s how I overcome the pain of rape every day:
- Forgive. You must forgive yourself of the guilt and shame. Go to God and pray.
- Choose. You choose the way you react or don’t react towards others. Don’t let the words or actions of others control your thoughts and feelings.
- Ask. Ask God to help you forgive others who harmed you. It’s the way to freedom and to break those chains of bondage.
- Read. Open your Bible. God wants you to know Him. God’s Word will set you free.
- Serve. Serve others. Get into a LifeGroup, volunteer, or serve at your church.
My prayer is for you to trust that God loves you no matter what your past or present looks like.
Lord, we call out to You for Your guidance and understanding in our lives. We thank You for Your goodness to know the joy and peace You bring to our lives. You are the healer of all healers and we have faith in all that You do. Only through You, God, are we courageous and strong. There is no room for fear. We cling to You, our mighty God. With Your unveiling love our lives will be forever changed. Amen.