How was your Valentine’s Day? Did you go out with someone new? Someone sort of new? Someone you’ve been with for a long time? Maybe you’re still looking for someone? How do you know if you should keep dating your valentine?
Ah, dating …
- The excitement in feeling that initial rush of attraction.
- The hopeful anticipation that your crush could like you back.
- Discovering that the feeling is mutual!
- A relationship is formed.
It’s thrilling to picture happily ever after when we’re caught up in the initial bliss of knowing that our valentine likes us back. Obviously, relationships are more complicated than that.
Turns out, true relationship is so much more than what we see in fairy tales, romantic comedies, or sexy magazines.
- Men are more than knights in shining armor.
- Women are more than sexy bunnies.
- We are all imperfect people wanting to be loved.
What I don’t want to do is pull you into the vortex of dating dos and don’ts. How to meet people, what types to seek out, what to wear on a first date, when to break it off, when to give it a chance, who pays for what on a date, how many days you should wait before texting, etc.
All that can be a mix of exciting, exhausting, and a lot of fun—but really, how do you know if you should keep dating your valentine?
Start by considering how God loves you. After all, He did create love, romance, relationships, marriage, sex, those chalky conversation hearts candies, pink and red construction paper, doilies, snail mail, dimly lit dinners … okay some of those things He created more directly than others, but the point is that He’s pretty intentional in His design of romantic love.
Check out 1 Corinthians 13. This passage is read at weddings a lot, and there’s good reason. It lays out exactly how God loves you. Now, a human being will always fall short of loving you perfectly (because, sin). We will always be let down by less than godly love, but the person you’re dating should be humbly and passionately working to love you in the ways described.
So, for example,you may want to keep dating your valentine if they:
- speak kindly about you when you’re not around,
- treat your server with respect at dinner,
- sit with you in church and discuss the sermon with you on the drive home,
- value you far beyond your physical appearance,
- meet your friends and patiently listen to your slightly long-winded roommate recount the obstacles they recently overcame while trying to pay off a parking ticket,
- or regularly offer their seat to little old ladies on the subway.
By all means, see where it goes!
However, you might not want to keep dating your valentine if they:
- order the most expensive thing on the menu and then suggest splitting the bill down the middle when all you ordered was a salad,
- take credit for a witty comment you said earlier when it was just the two of you,
- think the free bottomless cup of coffee is the best part of a worship service,
- regularly cut people off in traffic,
- act more interested in body contact than eye contact,
- or seem to take a little too much pleasure in the heartbreak of reality show contestants.
Feel free to take it as a sign that it’s not you, it’s them. And end that thing, today.
Also, relationships work both ways. So ask yourself, “Am I loving my valentine in the patient, kind, not self-seeking, not easily angered sort of way?” Assuming you decide to keep dating your valentine, it only makes sense the best way to keep them is to love them like God loves them.
If you find yourself in a dating relationship that lines up nicely with what the Bible says about love, Ephesians 5 gives a great picture of how a dating relationship should progress to a marriage. C’mon it’s a short passage. Give it a read.
You are worthy of being loved well. God loves you well. As you continue dating, know that God loved you first, and that He wants to be involved in your relationships.
